So – I’m not okay right this instant – I have the Spring cold going around here – so I am a bit worried about that… I have been on the Imuran for a month now – my immune system is now partially suppressed – how my body will handle getting sick is anyones guess.  I suppose this is a good test for me though – rather than crapping myself every time I sneeze – this will give me an indication of just how sick I am going to get on immunosuppressants.  The most frustrating thing is I get told to take Paracetamol.  Again, I state for the record, paracetamol is not a painkiller – it’s a lolly – it does nothing.  I would give Stockers right arm for some real painkillers right about now…. but blah blah, they slow down your bowel, blah blah.  Okay.  Enough.  I get it.

Anyway, yes – the last week and a half is the first time I have felt even remotely like I have a chance of a semi-normal life.  The Imuran is working – Crohns still hasn’t popped its ugly little head up and its business as usual.  I am feeling fulfilled (but still underpaid) at my full time job and my freelance graphic art business is starting to take.  I am happy that I am doing both – because in the process I think I am proving to myself that I am not just going to sit in a corner and stare at the world leaving me behind because I have a chronic illness and my daily dose of “do you want some pain with that”.  I think that has been the first indicator that I am going to be okay.  I have been thinking back at the person I was 12 months ago and looking at the person I am now… we are very different.  I am a lot stronger now than I was before.  All the bad stuff that comes with Crohns sucks – but my new found strength I am thankful for, even though its cost me, us, a lot.  I think… I wouldn’t be the same person without Crohns in my life – it’s a part of who I am now.  Sure there are days where I am still going to curse it from the roof tops, but for now, for right now it’s a part of who I am, I cant escape that – so I may as well embrace it.

Other stuff going on – there has been a lot and I haven’t been writing (please see above second job, graphic art business).  One of the most exciting things that has happened, I won a page in the Hell Pizza calendar.  Yeah, okay, so it’s a local fast food chain, and all I get is the exposure… but I get the exposure.  And also to sure up my self confidence a bit – because I don’t have the degree in graphic art I wonder some times “what am I doing – I haven’t got the correct qualifications”.  When it comes down to it though – I do, people are buying my personality and the often strange concepts which pour out of my sometimes warped brain.

Anyway… I am going to take myself to have a garlic infused dinner to try and beat off this… whatever the hell it is…

I will leave you with one more piece of good news – my blood tests are now every two weeks…. This means my body is responding well to the Imuran – and an added bonus, I might stop looking like a junkie (my “tracks” might clear up in between tests).

I think its time for me to stop fighting the idea of Crohns disease so much.  I have it – that’s it, full stop, end of story.  I think its time I started living my life with Crohns Disease.