I woke up last night from a nightmare in a cold sweat.  In my nightmare I had either forgot to take my medication, or I had taken the wrong medication.  Only someone who has continuing health problems has nightmares like that… I swear.

I am meant to be back at work today (just my design job) but the headache from my Entocort just wont let up – despite my higher than normal pain killer consumption.  I know the headaches will be gone in a few more days – but its getting tiresome.  It might not just be that… I have seemingly lost a lot of my motivation… So far today I have managed to turn on my computer and registered for my Howard’s Storage World free $10 voucher followed by going to check on a loud noise and falling asleep with my cat for an hour.  Very productive. In front of me I have a portfolio to update with all my new work, a voucher to make, a bulk mailer to set up for my own business and a new year promotion to design.  Oh, plus the wedding invitations that sit half finished on my desktop and you know… the bulk amount of the planing.  I did do all the banking today (which usually I hate) and while we did suck with our budgeting over Christmas, now have saved more than we owe (going on our “worst case scenario” estimates) for the wedding.  So we are not out of the woods yet by any means, but the number is starting to become a lot less scary.  I can’t believe we thought we could comfortably do ALL this in a year!  I suppose it was more a “this is our opportunity to get married, GOOOOOOOOOOO!” situation.

I feel like my insides are just really broken at the moment.  I can’t get my health into a place where I can function comfortably.  Just after my last post I came down with the flu – quite badly… but I was the only one in the sales and marketing team at work so I pushed myself in and got what I needed to do, done.  To be able to function I did something I probably shouldn’t have done.  I bought some pseudoephedrine Flu tablets and started taking them.  They are the only things that got me through.  But on my third day taking them, I started bleeding out my nose and gums.  Now, yes, as Stocker pointed out, it could be a coincidence.  I do often have blood noses when I have a cold/flu (go figure), but this was a lot worse than usual and I don’t think I believe in coincidence anymore.  I have the last days dose left and would love to promise that I won’t take them again, but I will.  I can’t just stop functioning because I am sick – I don’t feel like I am able to.   The one good thing – because my metabolites were in the right range (because the Imuran wasn’t working properly) I was able to get over it fairly quickly, even quicker than Stocker.

I haven’t been able to catch a break with my health.  While I won’t go into details (in case there are blokes reading) I am also having difficulties with female issues and its all just driving me quietly round the bend.  I just want one week (actually I’d settle for 3 days at the moment) where I have nothing wrong.  Where I feel OK (not even asking for good just OK).  Blah!

Christmas has come and gone and it was good.  We were spoiled again by our families and wonderful friends.  In fact – someone I bowl with on Tuesday night even gave us a fridge.  Okay, its not new, but its newer than ours, a bit bigger and much more modern.  So modern it doesn’t freeze food in the fridge part… what will they think of next!  Christmas has really picked up my mood even though I am still a bit mopey over being sick.  Particularly the Boxing Day BBQ we had… we have only just started coming back into socalising more and I tell you, I am enjoying it!  Getting food ready and talking and just having other bodies in the house, its nice.  Particularly the company we had.  I don’t think you could ask for a better bunch of people.  I would love to make the Boxing Day thing a tradition – maybe we will, who knows?

I feel a lot more normal in that respect now – you know, I feel like I am rejoining life slowly.  Best part is I feel like I am ready to do it now.  Sure, I still get tired easy and can’t stay up all night drinking like I used to.  But I am finding I can go have a meal with friends, talk and socialise and just… enjoy myself.  I think a big reason is I am surrounding myself with the right people now – not like before.

Having the right people in your life can do the most amazing things.  They can even make a sick person forget they are sick.