Why I stopped calling myself an Atheist

In the dictionary Atheism is defined as: “disbelief or lack of belief in the existence of God or gods.”

I don’t believe in the “God” described by religions around the world. I’m not religious or faithful. I also no longer call myself an Atheist. 

This is why.

Rewind to the year 2000. I wasn’t quite yet 18 – but I had experienced 12 years of formative education which included religion – both very bias Christian and “Study of Religion”. I was lucky enough to visit a Mosque and speak to actual Muslim’s, attend a Buddhist Shrine as well as many other experiences. I am very very grateful for these experiences because how can you make an informed decision about a questions a big as faith without hearing as many different sides of the story as you have access to?

This kind of exposure can draw people in – religion can help them find direction and for some personality types it’s not only good, it’s essential. Or, as in my case, it can push people away. From late in my last year at High School I started calling myself an “Atheist”, my interpretation was “I’d had a look around at brief systems and none of them felt right to me which translated into me not having faith in any of the God’s I had learned about”. Ok – this was before being an Atheist was cool – so I copped a lot of flack from my family (who somewhat like to believe in the Christian version of God) and others in my friendship groups as I started to attend higher education. I had some lively debates with members of all different religions that didn’t amount to “attacks” it was just an open discussion on what makes a person faithful – and how that wasn’t me. In that group I debated with Christians, Muslims, a Buddhist and a member of the Japanese Shinto faith. Our talks were always fascinating and I learned more and more about religion and culture – it still didn’t foster that spark that people call “faith”.

I traveled through years of my life calling myself “Atheist” sometimes being looked at like a devil worshiping weirdo – sometimes being applauded for saying I simply didn’t believe. But that was were it stopped – I simply didn’t believe. I didn’t hate religion… I didn’t think it was evil… and I wasn’t saying God’s and Miracles don’t exist – I was simply saying I don’t believe.

I suppose around 2008 or 2009 – amidst many different forms or religious angst, the Atheism movement began to gain support and other people I associated with began to identify as “Atheist”. “Cool” I thought “I love debating and comparing religion – this is great, I’m going to have more people to do that with”. But… I didn’t. 

Fast forward to 2011. Atheism is now “cool”. Many celebrities have come out publicly as “Atheist”, even the Australian Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, identified as one. Around this time, something happened. A term that was meant to mean “doesn’t believe in God or organised religion” suddenly became “organised anti-religion”.

Silly things started happening like the faithful folks being told they needed to seek mental help because they believed in something that isn’t tangible? People being told that they can’t believe in science but have faith at the same time… Do we, as non-believers, need to make ourselves feel better about our choices by trying to drag others down for theres?

Ok, maybe a better question… is there definitive proof that there is a a right or a wrong answer to the question of faith? Remembering faith isn’t about any of the holy books – it’s about believing there is a guiding hand that they call “God”. Both groups just believe different things – who am I to say there isn’t a mysterious super power – whatever you want to call it? No one has proved to me there is one – but equally, no one has proved to me there isn’t. 

In 2012 I changed my religious status on Facebook from “Atheist” to “Agnostic”. When Atheism started becoming their own club – or dare I say it, religion – they lost me. It’s that grouping, herding  mentality that just turns me totally off – to some extent it’s what turned me off religion too. Atheists claim to be “freethinkers”, let’s examine that… A freethinker is one that explores all areas of a subject and passes on that knowledge, without prejudice, so that others can form their own opinion. Lets stop at the words “without prejudice”… a hard line Atheist is about as prejudiced as a devout religious person – there is really no difference they just sit on opposite sides of the fence. So are you turning into the thing your fighting against by using the same tools and tactics as religion? That’s an interesting notion. 

As an “Agnostic” or just a non-believer, I can look at many of my faithful friends and think “their faith is a beautiful thing”, because it is for them. Who am I to say there is no God? Just because I don’t believe in it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I didn’t believe in hover boards until last year either – happy to admit I was totally wrong there. I do have an overly scientific solution to the problem of faith and religion… I need proof – but I need proof that indicates one way of thinking is right over there other. I have not been presented with an such proof.

Fast forward again to 2013. I was preparing for surgery that could either end or change my life. I wanted so badly to feel the warmth that my religious friends just exude. I wanted to feel the guiding hand like they do… I wanted to relax in the knowledge that everything was going to be alright. It’s not a switch – I didn’t feel it. That little spark of faith didn’t spontaneously ignite in me. I remained unwavering in my lack of faith. I don’t hate it, or resent it. I don’t feel it though – no matter how much I wanted to in my darkest hours….

It’s such a confusing subject in some senses it’s confronting too. Why did I choose the word “confronting” there. Ok, because I think there is a misunderstanding that occurs between people. Someone saying “I believe in God” that  isn’t them saying “your wrong for not believing in God” – it’s that person communicating their beliefs. Just like when I say “I don’t believe in God” that doesn’t mean God doesn’t exist, what would I know? It just means I don’t believe. Often people expressing their beliefs is taken as them telling everyone else they’re wrong, and yeah, sometimes that is in the communication style that person selects. Examining how your communicating your message and identifying yourself . As a marketer I communicate for a living. As much as it’s talked down – we (marketers) set the tone for a whole business or a product, or a view point. We are the voice. I suppose that being my grounding – it’s a lot easier to look from the outside at communication styles and group them together.  I’m sure this misunderstanding isn’t always the case – some people really mean to say “your going to hell for not believing” or “your mentally unstable for having faith” – and I want to be clear in saying I disagree with both of those stand points equally.

My point? I stopped calling myself “Atheist” because that group of people were communicating using the tools of extreme organised religion. Spreading propaganda, calling people names, criticising mental stability… And I had to ask myself why? Why would you resort to the tactics of the very thing your trying to distance yourself from? Why are you trying to recruit just like a religion if your comfortable in your lack of faith? These are the questions I asked myself… and the answer? I was totally comfortable not justifying my decision to not believe – I didn’t need other people to not-belive with me. I didn’t need people to “be on my side”. I was on my side and my opinion is the only one that really matters to me.

So here I am, an Agnostic. Waiting for proof either way. I think this is the first time in my life that I’ve happily sat on the fence – because to me this isn’t a question of taking sides or recruiting. It’s such a simple concept that has been made over the millennia unnecessarily and undeniably complex.

If you’ve read this and you have your panties in a bunch right now – great! I like posting stuff that makes people think and often examine their communication style… But have another read – at no point did I say either side was either right or wrong. I just said that I needed proof either way. I don’t follow an organised religion or organised anti-religion – that’s why I stopped calling myself an Atheist. 

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