I’m a stress eater. I always have been and I venture to say I always will be. It’s a problem I know I have but it’s also a cycle I haven’t been able to break 33 years.

The last 8 months for me have been the very definition of stress. I’ve been juggling two very intense jobs, home renovations, illness, family problems and a bunch of other stuff that I don’t think I need to get into.

I know everyone has stress – so this isn’t a “woe is me” post. I’ve had a lot on, I’ve sucked it up. But as I’ve been sucking it up, I’ve also eaten my way to being 7kgs heavier than I was at the start of the year. And I’ll be frank with you, I wasn’t overwhelmed with joy at my weight at the start of the year. So now I’m inclined to put the phrase “out-of-control” in front of it… the worst part is since the end of August (about 100 days out from our holiday) it’s always been “next week” I’ll start cutting back. I know weight loss is hard… but I’ve never been one to make excuses like that before. In fact, I don’t make excuses.

Yes, I’m a sick person. I take medication that doesn’t help my weight, there are days I’m lucky to get out of bed, I hurt all over most of the time… but, so? What makes me so special that the thousands of other people in a situation like mine or worse who just get on with it. I’ve always had that attitude, and apart from this very brief lapse in judgement, I hope to carry it with me.

The first step to solving 90% of problems in this life is taking responsibility for your part in them. Yep that’s right – if you have a problem in your life – I’m almost positive you have involvement in it: 

My problem: Retaining wall falling down; 

My involvement: I didn’t do enough research to know what a wooden retaining wall means and bought the house anyway. 

You follow? So now I’m at: 

My problem: Holy f*ck I’m 7kgs overweight and I’m going snowboarding for a month in 55 days; 

My involvement: I kept putting food in my mouth that my body didn’t need and I didn’t exercise enough. 

I’m due at the Doctors on Thursday and I’m almost sure he’s going to tell me what good news it is that I’m able to consistently keep weight on. I’m almost certainly going to roll my eyes and keep very quiet about how intent I am at stripping it back off. 

When I have active Crohn’s my weight and waist size (due to bloating and obstructions) can change dramatically inside a week. I can look quite heathy Sunday and by Friday I can look like a very frail very sick person. So – my doctors in particular love me having a “buffer”.., unfortunately my “buffer” at the moment is stopping me from touching my toes…

I realised how bad it had got last Friday when I actually dared to get on the scales…. 66.5kgs…. and I’m 160cm tall. No. No, no, no. Probably the worse part is that I knew. Yes, I knew. All my pants are getting tight, to the point that they’re cutting off circulation… What epic lie was I telling myself to get here?

Now the big question… what am I doing about it? I’m getting back in routine… And I think that’s going to affect a lot of stuff that’s been going wrong… I’ve been averaging about 4 hours sleep (sometimes more on the weekend) and then relying on sleeping pills to get me to sleep when I do get some (because my brain is buzzing from work), I’ve been feeling crap – no reason for it, just crap. My skin is acting like I’m 17 again with acne (I WISH it would look like I was 17 again) and my muscle tone is fading – so much so I can see a decline in my bowling which has been most upsetting.

My body ISN’T like everyone else’s. In fact I challenge you to find two peoples bodies who do react the same to everything. My body works best in routine. Regular cardio exercise and core strength, regular SMALL meals, minimal sugar and vegetables as often as I possibly can.

In the last 8 months – I’ve been doing exactly…. NONE of that. We’ve been living on convenience food with Stocker at Uni (and work) and me working till my eye-balls literally fall out of my face, I’ve stopped my regular exercise so I can fit MORE hours of work in (don’t ask me when I socialise – I don’t) and I’ve been skipping meals and binging on the wrong things…. it’s a mess… and it’s so so so hard to get the routine started again for someone who loves food as much as I do. But I have to. The foot is officially down.

I know why I’ve got here – but, at the same time that’s not an excuse. Not at all. If I hadn’t of put myself in this shit position I still would have finished everything – just not as fast and I would have keep my health in better check.

8 weeks (not even). 8 weeks is now all I have to get my fitness level back to a respectable state before I head off and get my waist size down so I can get in the public hot springs, tell the story about how I got glassed in Surfers (my resection scars) and feel confident 

I’m not starting slowly like I probably should, I’m not easing into it. I’m panicking into it… so I’m “hoping” to be back down at around the 60kg mark come December 1. It’s a big ask… I usually average about 500g a week weight loss so if I don’t hit it hard I’m not going to make it.

These might be the most annoying updates in the world, but I’m going to give you an update after 2 full weeks which is more like Monday  the 26th of October by which time I hope to have lost 2 kgs.

Here we go – bring the pain.