In my youth, I passed my High School exams and made my way through University predominately due to my memory. I was one of those lucky people that could absorb things quite easily. That ability has declined recently. Maybe declined is the wrong word… disappeared may be more apt.
Everyone is blaming it on the fact I am aging. I am almost 29 people, not 90. Stocker thinks its because of the work. I just desperately want to blame the Crohn’s or the Medication even though I know that’s almost certainly not the cause.
After the high I had on Saturday, meeting my idol for the second time (no, I don’t plan on shutting up about it), I came back down to earth with a thud on Sunday. I was half way through a Brand Book for a new client… listening to a new album… waiting for Stocker to get back with my car… when I got a call from some good friends…. The voice on the other end of the phone said “I know you guys are usually late but an hour and a half is a bit excessive – we are worried”. My face got hot. I felt myself turning red. I opened my diary to that day…. there was no event or appointment written in… I flipped to the next Sunday and there it was… I had even highlighted it so I couldn’t miss it. I had missed my good friends, daughters birthday party.
This might sound like a trivial lapse… I assure you its not. I used to be “date woman”. No, seriously. I remembered everyone’s birthday with ease – so well in fact I used to organize the presents and the parties… because I was prepared.
Now I am sitting here and the only reason I know what day it is, is because my computer tells me in the top left hand side of my screen.
Last week I worked 76 hours, this one is looking like an easy 80… and I don’t hate it, don’t get me wrong. But I think it has some… side effects. I can’t remember anything…. important or not… The most used function on my iPhone is the reminders function… I have not one but two diaries… and a calendar and I am still getting it wrong. I am telling the same stories to the same people… over… and over… and over… yeah.
I guess most of you would be asking why the hell I am doing it? We could get by on or regular incomes now – all this working seems superfluous. But… we have big plans, so much we want to do and see while we can… while I still can. The income required for such activities is substantially higher than what a normal person with normal needs, requires. Plus, I think one day, I would like to be just a consultant…. I love learning about what different people do (when I don’t forget it 4 seconds after the conversation finishes)…
I do think a few weeks off would probably help… but even when I am “not working” I am working. I can’t help myself. In the past I have been called a work-a-holic and denied it… I am starting to think I protested too much.
I rely on my memory so much… for both of my jobs (not to mention day to day life)… I am so lost without it. Memory… oh memory… please return to me.