A little over two weeks on.
Is it any easier? Not really. At least I have stopped crying, well, for the most part.
There has been such an outpouring of grief – it goes to show how many peoples lives she touched. Maz was very special – to a great many people. My battle now is making Ross believe he is equally as special. He has this perception that Marion was the god one. I am trying to instill in him that it was Marion AND Ross who changed my life — who were there for me in my darkest hours. I loved Marion dearly, but, I love Ross just as much. I hope he knows that. In fact… I was thinking about asking him to give me away at our wedding, if it ever happens. My parents wont fly and even though he doesn’t think so he has played a large roll in my life.
In the moments I can think clearly, my mind is drifting onto the upcoming chat I am having with a real live UC person. Our diseases are so rare – generally the only place you find physical people you can talk to about the disease is in the outpatients clinic. And from what I have seen – there is a strict no talking policy (not really – but it seems that no one there really wants to connect and talk about Crohns or UC). I read about both disease when the subject of IBD was brought up – before my scope. I knew after reading which one I had. I was one of the greatest OSM (Oh Shit Moments) of my life to date. More to the point – it explained my life. I think, along the way, I forgot a lot of the UC stuff – even though the conditions are closely related. I am making the call to set up the meeting tomorrow. It seems only fitting that I start 2011 trying to make a difference in the lives of the people who had have the disease that mercilessly attacked me at the start of 2010. Its almost poetic.
Right now – I am suffering from a cold – yes I am sick again. The joys of being immunosuppresed. But I am okay still. No late night trips to the A&E and no flare-ups. I can say even though I am unwell – I am at least 100% on this time last year. I am finding the only real difference is that I am tired a lot more when I am sick. I feel like I need to sleep almost constantly… perhaps that it? Humm more likely I hope thats it.
Finally tonight – I would like to wish all the people with Crohns Disease reading this a Happy New Year – and I urge all of them to keep fighting to good fight. They will find a cure to our disease – we just have to hang in there. To everyone else – thanks so much for reading this year and I am excited at the prospect of regailing you with more tales from Crohns land in the coming 12 months.
Lots of love and best wishes.
Happy New Year.